Katie: An update

Yet again I have copied this from an internet forum where I have lots of wonderful, supportive friends. I need to document the progress that is being made with Katie and it might be of interest to others.

Today was pretty horrendous

It started with attempting to get her to playgroup this morning. She screamed as soon as we went out of the door and I had to carry her the whole way there kicking and screaming.
When we got there her keyworker had to peel her off my leg. I left to come home again in tears.

When I picked her up she did the same thing the whole way home. Got indoors and she threw juice all over my OU course notes, kicked me, spat at me, pinched me and threw anything she could get hold of.
I put her in her bedroom for 5mins to calm us both down as by this point I was in tears and totally losing my rag with her.

Janice, our portage worker, came round just as she was calming down and played some games with her before working with me to do a general assessment of her. It’s totally all over the place. On some sections of the forms she is quite advanced for her age, on others she is very immature. There was no one area of learning that is “conclusive” on what needs working on.

Janice said she thinks I have the “patience of a saint”. She said it is clear for her to see I am struggling but she doesnt know what to say to help. She said anything she would normally suggest as a strategy to parents I am already doing.
I told her my worries that people think I’m being melodramatic and attention seeking as they dont see this side to her and she said she totally understands why I feel like that. She reassured me that although to some people I might come across as a “Needy parent” I certainly am not needy for no reason. She said “You are a parent in need of support not because you do things wrong, but because Katie is a very very demanding and difficult child”.

Janice is going into playgroup next Tuesday to speak to the staff and observe her there. At parents evening tonight I had it confirmed that she is good as gold there. Playgroup are really great. Her keyworker loves her to bits (which is a relief, I do worry that people dont like Katie).
If Janice feels that she is fine at playgroup then she will just concentrate on giving support at home. She doesnt quite know what support that will be yet but she is speaking to her manager (the person who came and did the initial home visit) and ensuring that we are not left on our own.

In the mean time I have asked playgroup if there are any more sessions that Katie could do. I want to increase her to 4 full days. I’m feeling a tremendous amount of guilt with this but at the end of the day if she is happy there and not at home then I need to go with it for my sanitys sake!

When Anthony got home from work I escaped to my mum and dads house for 3 hours! I was at the end of my tether with Katie. He fed the girls, tidied up, cooked mine and Anthonys dinner (a yummy beef stroganoff) and then put Katie to bed.

I love that man  

Well done if you have got to the end of this!

Working things out

I’ve copied this post from an internet forum where I have many good friends. It basically saves me typing it all out again!

Well the speech therapist & preschool support specialist arrived at 9.30am and were here until 12.40pm! I am exhausted now but Katie is at playgroup for the afternoon and I have a chance to recharge.

In a nutshell… autistic tendancies are not really a concern. She could see where I am coming from and she understands my concerns but she said the behaviour doesnt quite tick all the boxes.

Katie seems to have confused them though. This morning they witnessed perfect behaviour from her aswell as violent and awful behaviour. They kept telling me I’m doing a great job as a parent. The speech therapist said “her good behaviour is down to you… when she is like this she is a credit to you”. They were very impressed with her please and thankyous even when she was being aggressive (!).

They said that she is a very very clever girl. She counted upto 8 while they were here and played some quite complex imaginary games with the speech therapist. They were intrigued to see how she manipulates people to get what she wants. My mental health was addressed in a lovely, sensitive way. It seems some of how Katie behaves is in reaction to me. She knows what buttons to press. She knows how to get a reaction from me and because I struggle to cope with her she behaves better for her daddy.

We looked right back to when she was born, when I was pregnant and before that even. My mini breakdown and the fact that I was on my own with Robyn etc was all spoken about and recorded. It has woken me up a bit and made me realise I need to see a doctor again. I’ve got an appointment on Monday anyway to discuss my PCOS so will talk about mental health issues then.

Katie will be assessed by the speech therapist one more time at playgroup and then she should be discharged. Her speech is now still slightly delayed but there is no cause for concern anymore if she carries on improving at the rate that she is. We are being referred to homestart for some practical help so that I have someone to help me take her out to places. Its more for my confidence than anything else.

Portage services are going to get in touch (although probably not til after Christmas as they are really stretched) and assess her in playgroup and at home. ADHD was mentioned and although she said it takes a long time to get diagnosed, her behaviour (particularly the violent behaviour) and attention skills seem significant enough to raise a concern.

So that’s us. The wider picture is being looked at and that only has to be good for both me and Katie. It seems the problem lies with both of us and we’ll hopefully get the help we need. I’m off to have a big cry now before collecting the girls. This morning has been a huge revelation to me that her behaviour might actually be down to me. They were so lovely… really affirming and not condescending at all. But it all kept coming back that I need to get some help for my mental health and then I’ll have a better coping strategy. That is hard to hear

A patience update

Well Anthony has been offered a 2 week work trial which basically means we stay on benefits for the time being and work for free!

The employers can then let Anthony prove himself in the job (which is managing a brand new café with the chance of going into business with them in the future) and then decide to offer him the job. It is like a 2 week long job interview!

Again, I have to trust and believe that this is what is right. This is a step in securing our future but it is also securing the café owners future. If they pick the wrong manager it could be disaster for them. Anthony needs to work his socks off and prove that he is the man for the job.

It’s going to be a long 2 weeks!

Patience is a virtue

We are currently waiting on some potentially very exciting job news for Anthony. If he gets offered this job the last 18 months of unemployment will be all worth it. All the failed interviews and applications will have been for a reason. It is a job that doesn’t come along very often. In fact, it’s not just a job. It’s the chance of securing a future!

Each time the phone rings my stomach does a backward flip. It is taking over my head and it is hard to sit still! Patience, however, is a virtue. We need to be patient and we need to believe & trust that things will work out.

It’s just so very hard!