How healthy is your emotional bank balance?

School goes back next week. Part of me is sad and part of me is glad. I’m ready for some me time again but I will miss spending time with the girls and being carefree with time.

Robyn is really excited about seeing all of her friends again and Katie is more than ready to go back to nursery. She needs some space from me just as much as I need some space from her.
She has been particularly difficult this last week and we have seen the “old” Katie with tantrums galore along with her kicking and smacking me.

My dad popped round this morning and I was able to let off some steam about how difficult she had been from the moment she woke up. While he was here Katie sat very nicely watching TV and spoke very sweetly to me. I said to my dad that Katie had shot herself in the foot because now she is being all sweet and angelic the damage is already done. My patience had gone, I was in a bad mood with her and I couldn’t find it within myself to forget how horrid she had been beforehand.
I commented that this made me feel bad and then my dad said something that rang very true. He said “She has used up all of your emotional bank balance”.

He explained it like this:

When you have had lots of lovely times, lots of positive experiences and happy, carefree days then one bad day is ok. You can deal with it. When that emotional bank balance is in credit you can afford an off day.
However, when you have bad day after bad day and when things get you down constantly then the next bad day can be epic. When you are already in your emotional overdraft then the next bad day takes you over your agreed limit and you are in trouble.

The first few weeks of the holidays were lovely. My emotional bank balance was topped up and all was well. I could deal with the odd bad day with Katie because my account was in credit.
Now we are nearing the end my reserves are low. In order to top them up again I need to take some time out. Even 10 minutes sitting in my bedroom helps. It all keeps me away from that overdraft limit.

Make the most of good days while you can. Use them to top up your emotional bank balance and then when a bad day comes you will be ready. When you are suffering on that bad day remember that the debt will be repaid. Good times will come to top your account up.

How is your emotional bank balance at the moment? I’m still in my overdraft but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Think Positive

Today has been pretty horrible. Anthony’s job is under threat. For regular readers of my blog you will know he was out of work for over 18mths until September. To say this is bad news is an understatement.

A wise friend of mine told me this: “Try to concentrate on what you want rather than what you don’t want!”.

On the same thinking this evening we have talked about the plus sides of being out of work.

• Anthony will be here to help me with Katie when she is being difficult
• We will be able to go out for some nice walks
• We might not have much money at Christmas but have the chance of being together as a family
• I will be able to go to church again on a Sunday as the time as a family won’t be so precious

If Anthony does keep his job he will probably look for alternative employment anyway. It will buy him some time so he wont be out of work. We have thought about offering to take the lease of the premises but that is something that needs very careful consideration. For it to work he would have to start from scratch with new staff.

Today I am thankful for:

• My family who have been so so supportive today. My sister has offered some ad hoc work for Anthony
• My friends who have tried to take my mind off things and offered hugs
• Katie who has been a little star today. When I cried she said “Mummy doin’ cryin’. Love you mummy”
• Robyn who has made me proud by learning all her lines for the school play
• Anthony who is my rock. Together we will face anything that is thrown at us

“…All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well”: Julian of Norwich

Katie: An update

Yet again I have copied this from an internet forum where I have lots of wonderful, supportive friends. I need to document the progress that is being made with Katie and it might be of interest to others.

Today was pretty horrendous

It started with attempting to get her to playgroup this morning. She screamed as soon as we went out of the door and I had to carry her the whole way there kicking and screaming.
When we got there her keyworker had to peel her off my leg. I left to come home again in tears.

When I picked her up she did the same thing the whole way home. Got indoors and she threw juice all over my OU course notes, kicked me, spat at me, pinched me and threw anything she could get hold of.
I put her in her bedroom for 5mins to calm us both down as by this point I was in tears and totally losing my rag with her.

Janice, our portage worker, came round just as she was calming down and played some games with her before working with me to do a general assessment of her. It’s totally all over the place. On some sections of the forms she is quite advanced for her age, on others she is very immature. There was no one area of learning that is “conclusive” on what needs working on.

Janice said she thinks I have the “patience of a saint”. She said it is clear for her to see I am struggling but she doesnt know what to say to help. She said anything she would normally suggest as a strategy to parents I am already doing.
I told her my worries that people think I’m being melodramatic and attention seeking as they dont see this side to her and she said she totally understands why I feel like that. She reassured me that although to some people I might come across as a “Needy parent” I certainly am not needy for no reason. She said “You are a parent in need of support not because you do things wrong, but because Katie is a very very demanding and difficult child”.

Janice is going into playgroup next Tuesday to speak to the staff and observe her there. At parents evening tonight I had it confirmed that she is good as gold there. Playgroup are really great. Her keyworker loves her to bits (which is a relief, I do worry that people dont like Katie).
If Janice feels that she is fine at playgroup then she will just concentrate on giving support at home. She doesnt quite know what support that will be yet but she is speaking to her manager (the person who came and did the initial home visit) and ensuring that we are not left on our own.

In the mean time I have asked playgroup if there are any more sessions that Katie could do. I want to increase her to 4 full days. I’m feeling a tremendous amount of guilt with this but at the end of the day if she is happy there and not at home then I need to go with it for my sanitys sake!

When Anthony got home from work I escaped to my mum and dads house for 3 hours! I was at the end of my tether with Katie. He fed the girls, tidied up, cooked mine and Anthonys dinner (a yummy beef stroganoff) and then put Katie to bed.

I love that man  

Well done if you have got to the end of this!

5 days…

Not including today it is 5 more days until Robyn goes back to school and 5 more days until Katie starts playgroup 3 afternoons per week.

I have on the whole enjoyed the summer holidays but it has been stressful and now I am on countdown. Very soon I will be able to get back into a routine. No doubt I’ll be moaning before long about the rushing around in the mornings etc. I’m never happy lol.

Normal blogging service will hopefully resume soon