Archive for October, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Love Light

Posted: 21 October 2009 in Wordless Wednesday
Tags: ,


Find more Wordless Wednesday posts at


Working things out

Posted: 16 October 2009 in About me, Katie, Stress
Tags: , , ,

I’ve copied this post from an internet forum where I have many good friends. It basically saves me typing it all out again!

Well the speech therapist & preschool support specialist arrived at 9.30am and were here until 12.40pm! I am exhausted now but Katie is at playgroup for the afternoon and I have a chance to recharge.

In a nutshell… autistic tendancies are not really a concern. She could see where I am coming from and she understands my concerns but she said the behaviour doesnt quite tick all the boxes.

Katie seems to have confused them though. This morning they witnessed perfect behaviour from her aswell as violent and awful behaviour. They kept telling me I’m doing a great job as a parent. The speech therapist said “her good behaviour is down to you… when she is like this she is a credit to you”. They were very impressed with her please and thankyous even when she was being aggressive (!).

They said that she is a very very clever girl. She counted upto 8 while they were here and played some quite complex imaginary games with the speech therapist. They were intrigued to see how she manipulates people to get what she wants. My mental health was addressed in a lovely, sensitive way. It seems some of how Katie behaves is in reaction to me. She knows what buttons to press. She knows how to get a reaction from me and because I struggle to cope with her she behaves better for her daddy.

We looked right back to when she was born, when I was pregnant and before that even. My mini breakdown and the fact that I was on my own with Robyn etc was all spoken about and recorded. It has woken me up a bit and made me realise I need to see a doctor again. I’ve got an appointment on Monday anyway to discuss my PCOS so will talk about mental health issues then.

Katie will be assessed by the speech therapist one more time at playgroup and then she should be discharged. Her speech is now still slightly delayed but there is no cause for concern anymore if she carries on improving at the rate that she is. We are being referred to homestart for some practical help so that I have someone to help me take her out to places. Its more for my confidence than anything else.

Portage services are going to get in touch (although probably not til after Christmas as they are really stretched) and assess her in playgroup and at home. ADHD was mentioned and although she said it takes a long time to get diagnosed, her behaviour (particularly the violent behaviour) and attention skills seem significant enough to raise a concern.

So that’s us. The wider picture is being looked at and that only has to be good for both me and Katie. It seems the problem lies with both of us and we’ll hopefully get the help we need. I’m off to have a big cry now before collecting the girls. This morning has been a huge revelation to me that her behaviour might actually be down to me. They were so lovely… really affirming and not condescending at all. But it all kept coming back that I need to get some help for my mental health and then I’ll have a better coping strategy. That is hard to hear


Find more Wordless Wednesday posts at

On my photography course this week I am asked to take two pictures of someone, somewhere or something that you really like. This has really got me thinking. I have been trying hard to think which two things are worthy of being at the top of that list and of course which two things are good to photograph.

I thought I’d make a list here in no particular order:

  • My husband. He is my best friend, my soul mate, my rock. I struggle to imagine life without him.
  • My children. I am so proud of them and I am so thankful that I have had the chance to be a mother.
  • My laptop. It is my link to the “outside world” and through it I can keep in touch with my friends and family.
  • My camera. Lately my new hobby of photography has given me a new lease of life. Getting outside and taking photographs has opened my eyes and I notice things in a new way. A simple, boring wall can be beautiful when you take its photograph and notice the textures and light shades.
  • Where I live. I am lucky to live in a truly beautiful place. Living here makes me happy.
  • My church. Maybe here I’m not actually talking about the physical building (although it is beautiful) or even the people in it. My faith is what I perhaps mean.
  • My bed! I love the feeling of getting into my own bed after I’ve been away for even one night. Nothing better!
  • Café Modo. It is the place that has given my husband his new lease of life. He has his spark back and watching him cook, prepare menus and make plans for the future is wonderful. The mochas arent bad either!

There are more favourite things but these are the ones I could think of straight away. Look out to see which ones I photograph!

DSC02802copyFind more Wordless Wednesday posts at

Autumn Days; a memory

Posted: 6 October 2009 in About me, Memories
Tags: ,

Sorry, I can’t seem to leave Autumn alone! I just remembered a song that we used to sing at school. Anyone who has been a school child in Britain will probably know it. To me it sums up all of those things I have been talking about. I actually had a tear in my eye watching/singing along to this video on youtube.

The other bit of autumn

Posted: 6 October 2009 in Family

Yesterday I blogged about how I love autumn. It was a lovely crisp autumn day yesterday.

This morning I woke up and it was the other kind of autumn day, the one where you look out the window and see rain and dull skies. Where we live, in the Calder Valley, we are surrounded by the beautiful Pennines. On a day like today those hills might as well not exist. You can’t see them for the mist. When the clouds descend the hills disappear and the whole valley goes very dark. It can be quite a gloomy place on days like this.

I was tempted to groan about the weather but then my wonderful husband offered to take Robyn to school for me. This meant that instead of having to get myself and 2 children ready to go outside and brave the elements I only had to get myself and Katie dressed up cosily for a day indoors! Robyn went off to school with her winter coat on with hood up (Anthony was wearing just his thin jacket that he wears even if it is thick with snow!). I waved them goodbye and put the kettle on.

Katie and I are now snug in our house with a cup of tea and some toasted teacakes for breakfast while outside the rain comes down and people are rushing around with umbrellas and avoiding puddles. This is the other bit I love about autumn! It’s ok as long as you dont have to go outside in it and as a stay at home mummy I generally make the rules! Yes, I could have done with going to get some fresh air but hey ho! For today we will stay indoors and enjoy a cosy day.

Apologies to you if you have to go to work on days like these, I don’t envy you at all!