Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

Anthony is listening to some very cheesy music from the ’80’s this evening. Music from 1989 to be precise (I’m not sure why that year inparticular!).
In 1989 I was in my last year of primary school, we then moved house and in the September of that year I began my first year at secondary school. It wasn’t an easy time for me. I knew nobody at the school apart from my sister. I missed all my old friends and wished I could have gone to the same schools as them. I struggled to fit in at secondary school and started eating by way of coping with the stress I found myself under. Food became my comfort when I felt sad, and I did feel very sad.

While Anthony is playing these tunes from 1989 I’ve been singing along and logging into itunes and downloading a couple of songs. Richard Marx: “Right Here Waiting” is one of them along with Boy Meets Girl: “Waiting for a Star to fall”. Then he played Angry Anderson: “Suddenly” and tears filled my eyes.

Why?

Not because it makes me sad. It used to but not anymore. Now it makes me so incredibly happy.

When I (along with the whole of the UK I think) first heard the song it was while watching Neighbours (Wiki tells me in 1988, not ’89). Scott and Charlene got married and I was a happy 10 year old girl. The wedding on TV was between my two favourite characters. Jason Donovan was my hero and Kylie Minogue was playing a tomboy. I could relate to her. She was a mechanic and she wore trousers, not skirts. That was me!
I watched that wedding open mouthed. It was like a fairy tale. Every little girl dreams of getting married and the song that played in that episode stuck with me. “One day… one day”, I thought, that will be me. I will get married to the man of my dreams and it will be my very own fairy tale.

Fast forward then to when I started secondary school. Life was not rosy. I was that tomboy like Charlene in neighbours but there was no “Scott”. I was not popular and I pretty much hated life if I am honest. Like I mentioned before, I turned to food. I grew overweight which just made things worse. I was the already unpopular girl who was now fat. Oh fabulous. Two years later we moved house again and I started another new school. I already had no confidence and I was already fat. Fitting in was just never an option. I carried on the only way I knew… by eating and by putting my head down. I had a couple of good friends but there was never going to be a “Scott”. I wasn’t interested anyway. I knew nobody would be bothered with me so there was no point trying.
I used to listen to that song and cry because I had so much hope and it was all gone. I honestly thought my little girl dream would never happen. The song reminded me of all that I wanted but was out of reach. I’d never get that I thought.

Fast forward again to May 26th 2007. My wedding day. The day I thought would never happen. I found my “Scott” and he is the man of my dreams. When Anthony and I got married it was my very own fairy tale. Now I could listen to that song and cry tears of happiness, not sadness. My dream came true. The first verse of this song I keep harping on about goes like this:

I only dreamed that I would find,
A loving heart and open mind,
To see the real me,
And I hoped that you would be the one…

We had the song played at our wedding reception. It wasnt our first dance, it was too much of a song for me and not us. It is a song I will never forget. It is a song that reminds me to never give up.

Good things happen to good people 🙂

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This last decade has been eventful for me. It started off pretty badly if I’m honest. I wasn’t in a good place back then.

I spent New Year of 1999/2000 in a pub with some friends. I can remember what I wore, I still have the top somewhere stashed away! It was a very ordinary night, not as much fun as we used to have on a normal night out. I always think that there is too much expectation at new year. We used to have wild nights out but new years was always a let down. Drink prices are always ridiculous and you spend a fortune on a taxi home after waiting 3 hours for it in the first place!

This year we are staying at home. Katie will go to bed at the normal time and Anthony and I are having a meal of steak with herby new potatoes and veg followed by home-made lemon mousse. My sister and her friend might pop in at some point for a few drinks, that will be nice. We just want to spend this new year warm and safe with our nearest and dearest. It’s just a shame Robyn isn’t here to share it. She is at her “dads” until Saturday. That’s always been the deal… she goes there for new year and stays at home for Christmas. Out of the two events I know I get the better deal but I just hate having to share her 😦

I am entering the new decade with a family of my own. I am married to the man of my dreams and I have 2 wonderful daughters. I had nothing 10 years ago. Yes, I had my mum, dad, sister & nephew but I lived alone in a grotty flat. I was so so lonely and very miserable.
The “noughties” saw me have my children and get married. That makes the decade pretty momentous! It is the decade in which I grew into the person I am now. There’s lots I am glad to leave behind, glad to draw a line under. In 2005 I had what was teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown. It scares me to think how poorly I was back then. I am very glad that I am not in that dark place anymore. In 2006 I had a miscarriage. That will always be in my mind but I am dealing with it better now. I wouldn’t have Katie if  I’d not suffered that miscarriage… I fell pregnant with her 8 weeks afterwards. Things happen for a reason. It’s all part of God’s plan. I believe that. It’s not always easy but time is a good healer.

So yeah, the last decade had great things and sad things. Inevitable I guess. Today I find myself really thinking about the past. I feel a bit weepy, people have come and gone, friends & family loved and lost.

What will the next 10 years hold… who knows?! Whatever happens it will be for a reason.

The hymn “Lord for the years” is one of my favourites. The words speak to me and give me comfort in times of both great joy and sorrow. I’d like to just share the last verse. It seems very fitting to quote it today as I always think it is about leaving behind the bad feeling, the luggage if you like. Leave all that behind and carry on regardless.

Lord for ourselves; in living power remake us-
self on the cross, and Christ upon the throne,
past put behind us, for the future take us:
Lord of our lives, to live for Christ alone.

I wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2010. May all your dreams come true xxx