Happy Father’s Day (again!)

I couldn’t decide how to do todays posts… my dad and Anthony both deserved some words and photographs and so in the end I decided to give them a post each. This comes on behalf of Robyn and Katie too.

Anthony is a wonderful Daddy to our girls, a really great Daddy.

The love that they have for eachother is so clear to see. My husband wears his heart on his sleeve.

A few weeks ago Robyn asked some questions about Anthony being her step-dad. It upset me at the time that her “real” dad had been feeding her information that was confusing and unkind. Today though she made it clear that she knows and understands what makes a father different from a Daddy.

Thankyou Anthony for being such a great Dad. You are one special man xxx

The Gallery: Friendship

Over on The Gallery this week the theme is “Friendship”. I have 2 best friends and I feel truely blessed to have them both.

3 years ago today I married my soul mate. Here we are with our precious girls after we signed the registers in church…

The 26th May 2007 was THE happiest day of my life. I know it’s a cliché but it’s true. First and foremost Anthony is my friend… 

But he is also my wonderful husband…

Happy Anniversary my wonderful Anthony. I love you xxx

See now I couldn’t mention friendship without talking about Lorna… I have known her for 14 years.

Here we are on the day of Robyns baptism…

Here we are on a rather drunken night out…

And here we are on my wedding day… did I mention that it was 3 years ago today lol.

We can go for weeks without speaking what with busy lives and living a few hours apart from eachother but when we do speak it’s as though we’ve never been apart. Friends like Lorna are very special.

So cheers, here’s to friendship and also to marriage. Long may they prosper xxx

What a difference a day makes

Bear with me while I tell you a story…

Anthony started his job at the Carvery pub a few weeks ago and halfway through his first shift he called me while on his break and said “It’s really dire, I want to just drive home!”.
The food was awful and Anthony had no authority to change it. Customers were few and far between. The rest of the staff were dull and had no real cooking skills. It was soul-destroying for him to be working there so while keeping the job he was determined to find something better.

Last weekend he had an interview and trial shift for a head chef position at a local pub. It seemed like the perfect job. The interview and trial seemed to go very well and he was very excited at the prospect of being offered the position. He wasn’t successful though and while the pub said they would contact him in the future if the position became vacant again he was very fed up and disappointed.
That Sunday evening here was very solemn. The thought of having to go back to a job he hated on the Wednesday was making Anthony very sad. Seeing him so sad made me sad and there was a lot of sighing and moaning going on. Anthony got straight back on the job centre website and searched for new adverts. He saw one that looked good but couldn’t ring up about it until the morning.

The next morning as the girls were eating their breakfast he was on the phone. He was asked to come for an interview at 4pm that day. After a day of shopping for Robyns birthday presents he went off to the interview while I went to the weekly family service at church with the girls.
At 5pm he called me to say he had just left the interview. He said it seemed to go well and was feeling quite confident but at the back of our minds we knew that we had thought that about the last interview.

He arrived home and said that he would know about the job by Wednesday morning at the latest. We started the kids tea and tried to forget about the potentially exciting job that was on the horizon. Working in a staff canteen at a huge banking headquarters serving people ranging from office assistants up to Managing Directors. The hours: Monday to Friday; 6.30am til 3pm. No bank holidays, no weekends (EVER!), no evenings (EVER!) and a secure job with a very well-known company.

By 6pm the phone rang. Anthony had been successful and been offered the job!

He started on Wednesday morning and is loving the job. He never had to go back to the awful pub and he is working somewhere that values him. His colleagues are happy, friendly and polite and he feels like he has a purpose again. He is happy, therefore I am happy and the children are happy.

On Monday afternoon after we’d bought Robyns birthday presents we went into Wing Yip, the Chinese supermarket. I bought a box of fortune cookies (aswell as a whole load of other stuff!) and opened one when I got into the car. I was a bit taken aback when I read my fortune…

All too often we dwell on good things that end. Sooner or later your troubles end too. It’s true! Good things can go on and on and on if you only let them. Bad things can stop. Right there. It’s all about making that choice and being brave enough to make them stop.
Sometimes you can make your own fortune. Applying for that job might end in disappointment but try again and again and your troubles will end. Choose happiness.

Nothing last forever – not even your troubles!

The happiest day of my life

Anthony is listening to some very cheesy music from the ’80’s this evening. Music from 1989 to be precise (I’m not sure why that year inparticular!).
In 1989 I was in my last year of primary school, we then moved house and in the September of that year I began my first year at secondary school. It wasn’t an easy time for me. I knew nobody at the school apart from my sister. I missed all my old friends and wished I could have gone to the same schools as them. I struggled to fit in at secondary school and started eating by way of coping with the stress I found myself under. Food became my comfort when I felt sad, and I did feel very sad.

While Anthony is playing these tunes from 1989 I’ve been singing along and logging into itunes and downloading a couple of songs. Richard Marx: “Right Here Waiting” is one of them along with Boy Meets Girl: “Waiting for a Star to fall”. Then he played Angry Anderson: “Suddenly” and tears filled my eyes.

Why?

Not because it makes me sad. It used to but not anymore. Now it makes me so incredibly happy.

When I (along with the whole of the UK I think) first heard the song it was while watching Neighbours (Wiki tells me in 1988, not ’89). Scott and Charlene got married and I was a happy 10 year old girl. The wedding on TV was between my two favourite characters. Jason Donovan was my hero and Kylie Minogue was playing a tomboy. I could relate to her. She was a mechanic and she wore trousers, not skirts. That was me!
I watched that wedding open mouthed. It was like a fairy tale. Every little girl dreams of getting married and the song that played in that episode stuck with me. “One day… one day”, I thought, that will be me. I will get married to the man of my dreams and it will be my very own fairy tale.

Fast forward then to when I started secondary school. Life was not rosy. I was that tomboy like Charlene in neighbours but there was no “Scott”. I was not popular and I pretty much hated life if I am honest. Like I mentioned before, I turned to food. I grew overweight which just made things worse. I was the already unpopular girl who was now fat. Oh fabulous. Two years later we moved house again and I started another new school. I already had no confidence and I was already fat. Fitting in was just never an option. I carried on the only way I knew… by eating and by putting my head down. I had a couple of good friends but there was never going to be a “Scott”. I wasn’t interested anyway. I knew nobody would be bothered with me so there was no point trying.
I used to listen to that song and cry because I had so much hope and it was all gone. I honestly thought my little girl dream would never happen. The song reminded me of all that I wanted but was out of reach. I’d never get that I thought.

Fast forward again to May 26th 2007. My wedding day. The day I thought would never happen. I found my “Scott” and he is the man of my dreams. When Anthony and I got married it was my very own fairy tale. Now I could listen to that song and cry tears of happiness, not sadness. My dream came true. The first verse of this song I keep harping on about goes like this:

I only dreamed that I would find,
A loving heart and open mind,
To see the real me,
And I hoped that you would be the one…

We had the song played at our wedding reception. It wasnt our first dance, it was too much of a song for me and not us. It is a song I will never forget. It is a song that reminds me to never give up.

Good things happen to good people 🙂

Affirmation

Today someone said to me “Wow! How much weight have you lost?!”. I hadn’t seen this person for a good few weeks and she said I looked fab.
For me to be able to reply “I’ve lost a stone!” was wonderful, really great!

We also had a meeting today all about Katie. We discussed what will happen for her development and needs from now on. It was decided officially that she has some special learning needs and has been placed on the SEN register. While talking about her it came across from all 4 professionals that we were meeting with that Anthony and I do a great job as parents.
How fantastic to be recognised by different professionals that in with all the difficulties we have with Katie we are infact doing a good job. We are good parents.

Affirmation is a wonderful thing. Good things happen to good people. Have I mentioned that before?! 😉

Best of 2009: Learning Experience

I shall never forget the phone call I received from my friend just after we found out that Anthony had lost his job. She told me that good things happen to good people. She told me that if we think positive thoughts then we will get through it. I repeat that mantra many times a day.

Good things happen to good people. It is true. When you are in despair and it seems that the world has turned its back on you think about the good things. Turn things around and things will be ok. So Anthony doesn’t have a job but we have been able to have so much more family time than would have been possible.

The people who forced Anthony out of his job are not good people. They might have a job but I would bet a lot of money that they are not happy. The business will not succeed. Already they are not open as much as they were when Anthony was there. It is always empty, people in the town don’t have a good word to say about the place. When we own our own business it will succeed. No doubt about it. Good things happen to good people.

My learning experience of 2009 then? Good things happen to good people!

This post is part of  Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 blog challenge

Think Positive

Today has been pretty horrible. Anthony’s job is under threat. For regular readers of my blog you will know he was out of work for over 18mths until September. To say this is bad news is an understatement.

A wise friend of mine told me this: “Try to concentrate on what you want rather than what you don’t want!”.

On the same thinking this evening we have talked about the plus sides of being out of work.

• Anthony will be here to help me with Katie when she is being difficult
• We will be able to go out for some nice walks
• We might not have much money at Christmas but have the chance of being together as a family
• I will be able to go to church again on a Sunday as the time as a family won’t be so precious

If Anthony does keep his job he will probably look for alternative employment anyway. It will buy him some time so he wont be out of work. We have thought about offering to take the lease of the premises but that is something that needs very careful consideration. For it to work he would have to start from scratch with new staff.

Today I am thankful for:

• My family who have been so so supportive today. My sister has offered some ad hoc work for Anthony
• My friends who have tried to take my mind off things and offered hugs
• Katie who has been a little star today. When I cried she said “Mummy doin’ cryin’. Love you mummy”
• Robyn who has made me proud by learning all her lines for the school play
• Anthony who is my rock. Together we will face anything that is thrown at us

“…All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well”: Julian of Norwich

What has made me happy today?

Right, I need to get back to blogging. Yes. I will try my very best, starting now.

In a day that is easy to remember negatives I need to jot down a few positives. The things that have made me happy today are:

• Getting an email back from the local newspaper to say they are considering using one of my photographs from an event in town at the weekend.
• Spending time with my 11yr old nephew and teaching him how to use my camera. Seeing his excitement as he took some lovely photographs.
• Hearing Katies portage worker tell me I am a good mum despite Katie being difficult.
• Spending time with my mum, dad and sister. I am lucky to have them.
• My husband being so unbelievably thoughtful and sensitive.
• The lovely cuddle I got from Robyn.

For now I will forget the tears I have shed today. They are gone. Tomorrow is a new day.

Katie: An update

Yet again I have copied this from an internet forum where I have lots of wonderful, supportive friends. I need to document the progress that is being made with Katie and it might be of interest to others.

Today was pretty horrendous

It started with attempting to get her to playgroup this morning. She screamed as soon as we went out of the door and I had to carry her the whole way there kicking and screaming.
When we got there her keyworker had to peel her off my leg. I left to come home again in tears.

When I picked her up she did the same thing the whole way home. Got indoors and she threw juice all over my OU course notes, kicked me, spat at me, pinched me and threw anything she could get hold of.
I put her in her bedroom for 5mins to calm us both down as by this point I was in tears and totally losing my rag with her.

Janice, our portage worker, came round just as she was calming down and played some games with her before working with me to do a general assessment of her. It’s totally all over the place. On some sections of the forms she is quite advanced for her age, on others she is very immature. There was no one area of learning that is “conclusive” on what needs working on.

Janice said she thinks I have the “patience of a saint”. She said it is clear for her to see I am struggling but she doesnt know what to say to help. She said anything she would normally suggest as a strategy to parents I am already doing.
I told her my worries that people think I’m being melodramatic and attention seeking as they dont see this side to her and she said she totally understands why I feel like that. She reassured me that although to some people I might come across as a “Needy parent” I certainly am not needy for no reason. She said “You are a parent in need of support not because you do things wrong, but because Katie is a very very demanding and difficult child”.

Janice is going into playgroup next Tuesday to speak to the staff and observe her there. At parents evening tonight I had it confirmed that she is good as gold there. Playgroup are really great. Her keyworker loves her to bits (which is a relief, I do worry that people dont like Katie).
If Janice feels that she is fine at playgroup then she will just concentrate on giving support at home. She doesnt quite know what support that will be yet but she is speaking to her manager (the person who came and did the initial home visit) and ensuring that we are not left on our own.

In the mean time I have asked playgroup if there are any more sessions that Katie could do. I want to increase her to 4 full days. I’m feeling a tremendous amount of guilt with this but at the end of the day if she is happy there and not at home then I need to go with it for my sanitys sake!

When Anthony got home from work I escaped to my mum and dads house for 3 hours! I was at the end of my tether with Katie. He fed the girls, tidied up, cooked mine and Anthonys dinner (a yummy beef stroganoff) and then put Katie to bed.

I love that man  

Well done if you have got to the end of this!

My favourite things

On my photography course this week I am asked to take two pictures of someone, somewhere or something that you really like. This has really got me thinking. I have been trying hard to think which two things are worthy of being at the top of that list and of course which two things are good to photograph.

I thought I’d make a list here in no particular order:

• My husband. He is my best friend, my soul mate, my rock. I struggle to imagine life without him.
• My children. I am so proud of them and I am so thankful that I have had the chance to be a mother.
• My laptop. It is my link to the “outside world” and through it I can keep in touch with my friends and family.
• My camera. Lately my new hobby of photography has given me a new lease of life. Getting outside and taking photographs has opened my eyes and I notice things in a new way. A simple, boring wall can be beautiful when you take its photograph and notice the textures and light shades.
• Where I live. I am lucky to live in a truly beautiful place. Living here makes me happy.
• My church. Maybe here I’m not actually talking about the physical building (although it is beautiful) or even the people in it. My faith is what I perhaps mean.
• My bed! I love the feeling of getting into my own bed after I’ve been away for even one night. Nothing better!
• Café Modo. It is the place that has given my husband his new lease of life. He has his spark back and watching him cook, prepare menus and make plans for the future is wonderful. The mochas arent bad either!

There are more favourite things but these are the ones I could think of straight away. Look out to see which ones I photograph!