The happiest day of my life

Anthony is listening to some very cheesy music from the ’80’s this evening. Music from 1989 to be precise (I’m not sure why that year inparticular!).
In 1989 I was in my last year of primary school, we then moved house and in the September of that year I began my first year at secondary school. It wasn’t an easy time for me. I knew nobody at the school apart from my sister. I missed all my old friends and wished I could have gone to the same schools as them. I struggled to fit in at secondary school and started eating by way of coping with the stress I found myself under. Food became my comfort when I felt sad, and I did feel very sad.

While Anthony is playing these tunes from 1989 I’ve been singing along and logging into itunes and downloading a couple of songs. Richard Marx: “Right Here Waiting” is one of them along with Boy Meets Girl: “Waiting for a Star to fall”. Then he played Angry Anderson: “Suddenly” and tears filled my eyes.

Why?

Not because it makes me sad. It used to but not anymore. Now it makes me so incredibly happy.

When I (along with the whole of the UK I think) first heard the song it was while watching Neighbours (Wiki tells me in 1988, not ’89). Scott and Charlene got married and I was a happy 10 year old girl. The wedding on TV was between my two favourite characters. Jason Donovan was my hero and Kylie Minogue was playing a tomboy. I could relate to her. She was a mechanic and she wore trousers, not skirts. That was me!
I watched that wedding open mouthed. It was like a fairy tale. Every little girl dreams of getting married and the song that played in that episode stuck with me. “One day… one day”, I thought, that will be me. I will get married to the man of my dreams and it will be my very own fairy tale.

Fast forward then to when I started secondary school. Life was not rosy. I was that tomboy like Charlene in neighbours but there was no “Scott”. I was not popular and I pretty much hated life if I am honest. Like I mentioned before, I turned to food. I grew overweight which just made things worse. I was the already unpopular girl who was now fat. Oh fabulous. Two years later we moved house again and I started another new school. I already had no confidence and I was already fat. Fitting in was just never an option. I carried on the only way I knew… by eating and by putting my head down. I had a couple of good friends but there was never going to be a “Scott”. I wasn’t interested anyway. I knew nobody would be bothered with me so there was no point trying.
I used to listen to that song and cry because I had so much hope and it was all gone. I honestly thought my little girl dream would never happen. The song reminded me of all that I wanted but was out of reach. I’d never get that I thought.

Fast forward again to May 26th 2007. My wedding day. The day I thought would never happen. I found my “Scott” and he is the man of my dreams. When Anthony and I got married it was my very own fairy tale. Now I could listen to that song and cry tears of happiness, not sadness. My dream came true. The first verse of this song I keep harping on about goes like this:

I only dreamed that I would find,
A loving heart and open mind,
To see the real me,
And I hoped that you would be the one…

We had the song played at our wedding reception. It wasnt our first dance, it was too much of a song for me and not us. It is a song I will never forget. It is a song that reminds me to never give up.

Good things happen to good people 🙂

Childhood Memories

I am very lucky to have many happy childhood memories of different things. Holidays, Christmas, family times, events and friendships. For me one of the best things about being a parent is having the chance to give my children the happy memories that they will grow up with. I want them to be able to smile and reminisce about the same sorts of things that I do.

We do our very best to provide our girls with a happy home life and I am confident that they will look back and smile when they think of our holidays and moments of silliness. Robyn has a very good friend. She recently described her as her “BFF” (Best Friend Forever!). They are in the same class at school, go to Rainbows & church club together and we try and get together outside of school as much as we can.

Last week we invited her “BFF” home for tea. After Katie had gone to bed we treated them to a DVD, popcorn & chocolate while they wore PJ’s and snuggled up in quilts and blankets. It was a sleepover party without the actual sleepover part! That bit won’t be long coming though, Robyn is staying overnight at her friend’s house in a couple of weeks time!
As I sat and watched the two girls laugh, sing and dance together I couldn’t help but smile. I reckon they will remember that evening forever. They were so happy to be sharing a good time together. The stuff childhood memories are made of for sure.

I am a part of making those memories for my girls and that makes me feel fantastic. Really, really fantastic 🙂

Farewell to the “Noughties”

This last decade has been eventful for me. It started off pretty badly if I’m honest. I wasn’t in a good place back then.

I spent New Year of 1999/2000 in a pub with some friends. I can remember what I wore, I still have the top somewhere stashed away! It was a very ordinary night, not as much fun as we used to have on a normal night out. I always think that there is too much expectation at new year. We used to have wild nights out but new years was always a let down. Drink prices are always ridiculous and you spend a fortune on a taxi home after waiting 3 hours for it in the first place!

This year we are staying at home. Katie will go to bed at the normal time and Anthony and I are having a meal of steak with herby new potatoes and veg followed by home-made lemon mousse. My sister and her friend might pop in at some point for a few drinks, that will be nice. We just want to spend this new year warm and safe with our nearest and dearest. It’s just a shame Robyn isn’t here to share it. She is at her “dads” until Saturday. That’s always been the deal… she goes there for new year and stays at home for Christmas. Out of the two events I know I get the better deal but I just hate having to share her 😦

I am entering the new decade with a family of my own. I am married to the man of my dreams and I have 2 wonderful daughters. I had nothing 10 years ago. Yes, I had my mum, dad, sister & nephew but I lived alone in a grotty flat. I was so so lonely and very miserable.
The “noughties” saw me have my children and get married. That makes the decade pretty momentous! It is the decade in which I grew into the person I am now. There’s lots I am glad to leave behind, glad to draw a line under. In 2005 I had what was teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown. It scares me to think how poorly I was back then. I am very glad that I am not in that dark place anymore. In 2006 I had a miscarriage. That will always be in my mind but I am dealing with it better now. I wouldn’t have Katie if  I’d not suffered that miscarriage… I fell pregnant with her 8 weeks afterwards. Things happen for a reason. It’s all part of God’s plan. I believe that. It’s not always easy but time is a good healer.

So yeah, the last decade had great things and sad things. Inevitable I guess. Today I find myself really thinking about the past. I feel a bit weepy, people have come and gone, friends & family loved and lost.

What will the next 10 years hold… who knows?! Whatever happens it will be for a reason.

The hymn “Lord for the years” is one of my favourites. The words speak to me and give me comfort in times of both great joy and sorrow. I’d like to just share the last verse. It seems very fitting to quote it today as I always think it is about leaving behind the bad feeling, the luggage if you like. Leave all that behind and carry on regardless.

Lord for ourselves; in living power remake us-
self on the cross, and Christ upon the throne,
past put behind us, for the future take us:
Lord of our lives, to live for Christ alone.

I wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2010. May all your dreams come true xxx

And still the snow falls…

The snow started on Thursday evening. It is now Tuesday morning and it is still snowing! Ok, so it hasn’t been constant but it has snowed at least a little bit every day. Sunday was the heaviest day but today is looking likely to match it. The sky is absolutely full of snow. It is coming down thick and fast and the snow that had already fallen hasn’t had a chance to melt.

Christmas is 3 days away! It all feels very festive, like we are living in a picture from a Christmas card. When I was a child I remember having to sing “In the bleak midwinter” over and over again in hymn practice at school. The last line in the last verse is tricky to sing… Yet what I can I give him: Give my heart. This is the line we had to sing and sing and sing until we got it right. Funny how something like that never leaves your memory. Whenever I sing it now as an adult I smile and think about Mrs May. I wonder where she is and I wonder whether she is still forcing children to get it right. I guess she is retired now though lol.

The first verse in that carol is this:

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

That is what is is like here at the moment. I never really thought about the 3rd line before this week. Now I understand. Snow falling on top of snow, on top of snow makes the earth as hard as iron, it is true! When the wind blows it does moan. I can’t say I envy poor Mary giving birth in a stable at any time of year, let alone if the weather was like this!

I’m off for a hot chocolate and to crank the heating up!

Autumn Days; a memory

Sorry, I can’t seem to leave Autumn alone! I just remembered a song that we used to sing at school. Anyone who has been a school child in Britain will probably know it. To me it sums up all of those things I have been talking about. I actually had a tear in my eye watching/singing along to this video on youtube.

Let’s go fly a kite

At the weekend we decided to get away. We’re very lucky to have access to my parents lovely apartment in Morecambe. It is situated right on the seafront and being on the 4th floor (there is a lift, thank goodness!) means that the views across Morecambe Bay are amazing.

We can be there in an hour on a good traffic day and so it is perfect for a quick break. Boy did we need that break! We had some lovely walks, we had a good breakfast at our favourite greasy spoon café, we took the girls to soft play and we played on the beach. Most of all though, we just relaxed in the apartment watching the tide come in and out.

If you have ever been fortunate enough to just do that for hours on end you will know it is compelling viewing. At Morecambe the tide swirls round and comes in from different directions. The picture I currently use as my banner here on my blog is the view from the beach at the front of the apartment. When the tide is in we watch them bobbing around. When the tide is out we see them sitting on the muddy sand. Often there are fishermen walking out to the sea. We love to watch the boats when the tide is on it’s way in. The way the sea carefully picks the boats up and allows them to be free once more is something that grips us.

We’ll often sit in silence and then one of us will announce “There’s someone on that boat!”. Then we’ll watch until the tide is in far enough for the boat to set sail. Once the boat gets going we’ll watch until it’s out of sight, and then wonder where they are going, how long they will be gone and what sights they will see.

On Sunday teatime we all went down to the beach armed with buckets, spades and a kite. The girls built sandcastles and tried to dig to Australia. Anthony flew the kite and I sat. I sat watching my beautiful family having fun. I sat watching the wonderful sea. I sat watching the boats beached on the sand and I watched the kite blowing in the wind.

It’s so important to us to have family time. We love to be together having fun. I’m so thankful to my Mum & Dad for giving us the chance to go to Morecambe and be together and to create so many happy memories.

 

Sports day

Sports day was one of the events in the school year that I used to dread. I have never been very sporty and unfortunatly one of my senior schools was joined onto the leisure centre. School had full use of all the facilities. Gah!

I used to manage to get through a rounders match at school by ensuring I’d be out as soon as possible & therefore spend the rest of the time sat at the edge of the field making daisy chains! If I was on the fielding team I’d strategically stand  where I knew the ball was very unlikely to land so that I could stand still for as long as possible.

When it was netball I took a similar approach… always being goal keeper meant that I was confined to one end of the court so didnt have to run very far. Jumping around a bit when the other team tried to score was about all that was required!

Cross country was my idea of complete hell. I can remember the course we had to take like it was yesterday. Round the athletics track once, round the small bike track, round the big bike track, down the side of school and behind the leisure centre, along the back of the netball courts & hockey pitches, up the side of the art block, round and along the English block, along the mound and back into the school entrance to the leisure centre. Once back at school you had 5 mins to shower and change before going to your next lesson. There was never enough time to get dry properly so I’d end up damp and uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Swimming on the other hand I used to enjoy. No running involved you see! I even used to take up the chance to go swimming at lunchtime once a week. I still enjoy swimming now. I’m not terribly good at it but I always find it quite a relaxing experience so long as its an adult only session!

Yesterday was Robyns sports day. She told me yesterday morning she was going to win a race for Granny Mary and she excelled herself! My wonderful daughter won 4 out of 6 races, something that I could only dream of! After school we walked through the park to see my mum and dad. We passed the ice-cream van and so I rewarded Robyn (and myself & Katie of course!) with a lovely creamy 99 with raspberry sauce.

Football Star!

Number 1!

On her way to victory!

Sad times

We are currently struggling to come to terms with the fact that Robyns Granny is dying.

Granny Mary is Robyns biological fathers mum. She is the matriarch of their whole extended family. She holds things together and people go to her for help when they are stuck knowing that Mary will do whatever she can to help and make things better. When Robyn goes away to “stay with her dad” the reality is that she stays with Granny. Granny does all the looking after while her Dad doesnt do a fat lot. He takes her to the park, to McDonalds but doesnt do any of the night times or the day to day care.

Robyn is the apple of Marys eye. She has 4 sons. None of them are married or even in a stable relationship. Robyn is the only girl in the family and she is the grandchild Mary thought she would never have. Robyn & Granny Mary are like two peas in a pod, best friends.

In the 6 years I have known Mary she has done so much for me. She was there when sometimes it felt as though nobody else was. I feel as though I’m about to lose a huge part of my life.

I have just had to email over a letter for someone to read to Mary telling her all the things I should have said a long time ago. She is a wonderful woman and will be sadly missed by so many. With the email I sent the following pictures. I hope she can find some comfort in them.

Katie – July ’09

Robyn at Morecambe – June ’09

Robyn at Butlins – May ’09

Robyn & Katie sharing a moment – May ’09

Ten on Tuesday…

This week’s Ten on Tuesday is “’10 Things you didn’t like about school”. Here’s mine

1. Bullying: This has to be absolutely top of my list. From the age of 11-16 I was bullied daily… never physically but mentally. I got called the nastiest names, was taunted everywhere I went, people damaged my stuff and generally made my life hell. This bullying really affected me as an adult… I’ll never forgive those bullies.
2. P.E Lessons: I’ve never been sporty and always been conscious of my appearance so changing into a P.E kit was my worst nightmare… made worse of course by bullies. I used to dread double P.E on a Thursday afternoon!
3. Uniform: At school we had to wear a skirt (not the boys of course… that would just be silly!). I hate skirts and have hardly worn one since school apart from my Wedding day! Now at all my old schools trousers are part of the girl’s uniforms. So much better!
4. English Lessons: Reading out loud in class always filled me with dread! I used to pray for the bell to ring before it got to my turn!
5. Boring Teachers: I sometimes really wish I had taken GCSE History but I was completely put off doing so by my year 9 History teacher… she taught us the history of medicine in such a boring and uninspiring way that I couldn’t wait to ditch the subject!
6. Music Lessons: So boring! I love to sing and I love to listen to music but I can’t play for toffee!
7. GCSE Coursework:Maths was the worst… I could never quite get the hang of what I was meant to do and by the time I figured out the formula it was too late to start doing any of the extension stuff. I used to get grade F a lot in Maths coursework… how I ended up with an overall grade B is beyond me!!!
8. The Playground: Always too cold for me! I was too afraid to walk across the middle in case I got hit by a football so stuck to the edges. I used to go and sit in the library a fair bit to get some homework done rather than brave the playground!
9. Science: Still bores me now!! Drawing all those diagrams used to drive me mad!
10. Revision: I never had any motivation to revise. I could sit for ages with my books but spend all my time making a new revision timetable in lovely colours (after all the teachers all said how important it was to have one… right?!!). Then I’d get into an exam and wish that I’d revised!