Samuel was born on 22nd September. Our long awaited and much longed for 3rd baby. I’ll be back to blogging soon I hope. Pregnancy this time was tough and there wasn’t much to blog about other than feeling sick, aching all the time, not being able to walk and gestational diabetes.
Still, he is here now and we are getting used to night feeds. I don’t even know if I have any readers left. I’m waving to you if I do xxx
Quick update on Katie…
We got to the child development unit and immediately bumped into the Portage manager who has been so lovely. She was really pleased to see Katie and told her colleague who we were… she was lovely too. She said she had typed up all of Katies notes the other day and commented on how lovely it was to actually meet her.
The peadiatrician was very friendly and put us at ease straight away. He explained that she had been referred to him because he often assesses children who dont seem to tick the right boxes for a clear diagnosis.
He asked us LOADS of questions about how Anthony and I were as children and then about how Katie was as a newborn. He was very interested in the fact that she was always a very unhappy baby and how the best thing to stop her crying was to just put her down. Cuddles never had a calming effect on her, quite the opposite.
We spoke about her little rituals and how it is now part of all our lives to just get on with it and go along with things. We can never just have a kiss from her for example… the order has to go “Kiss, cuddle and nose”. If we do not say the right things at bedtime (Night night princess, don’t turn the light on, I love you, See you in the morning) then she will cry and be very unhappy until we go back and say it.
Some of the things he asked us we found ourselves really agreeing with. “Does she spin round alot?” was one. She spins round and round until she falls over and then does it again and again. “Can she cope with loud noises?”. No, she often puts her hands over her ears and shudders. Playgroup have noticed this too.
He also asked if there is anything she does that suprises us for being advanced for her age. Katie knows all her colours apart from silver and gold. She knows numbers and also some letters. She can remember a, c, e, i, m, o, r, and w. She doesnt use them in context or anything but she knows the letter and remembers it so well.
She can draw a person with eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hair, arms, legs, fingers and toes. She is beginning to write her name too.
I know Robyn could do none of this at this age.
He ended the appointment by saying yes, it does look as though there are some autistic tendancies there and it warrants being investigated further. She will need to have some blood tests done to check all sorts of things including her thyroid levels etc. They will also look at her DNA and make sure everything appears normal.
The blood tests will need to be at the hospital, we have to wait for an appointment for that.
All in all it was a very good appointment. Lovely to have another professional tell us that we are not imagining things. We still have alot of people look at us very suprised when we tell them she has all this support. Alot of people do not realise that Katie is any different from any other child… they just think she is naughty which is incredibly frustrating for me.
She was a really good girl at the appointment and then proceeded to have a mega strop in Asda on the way home lol.
This last decade has been eventful for me. It started off pretty badly if I’m honest. I wasn’t in a good place back then.
I spent New Year of 1999/2000 in a pub with some friends. I can remember what I wore, I still have the top somewhere stashed away! It was a very ordinary night, not as much fun as we used to have on a normal night out. I always think that there is too much expectation at new year. We used to have wild nights out but new years was always a let down. Drink prices are always ridiculous and you spend a fortune on a taxi home after waiting 3 hours for it in the first place!
This year we are staying at home. Katie will go to bed at the normal time and Anthony and I are having a meal of steak with herby new potatoes and veg followed by home-made lemon mousse. My sister and her friend might pop in at some point for a few drinks, that will be nice. We just want to spend this new year warm and safe with our nearest and dearest. It’s just a shame Robyn isn’t here to share it. She is at her “dads” until Saturday. That’s always been the deal… she goes there for new year and stays at home for Christmas. Out of the two events I know I get the better deal but I just hate having to share her 😦
I am entering the new decade with a family of my own. I am married to the man of my dreams and I have 2 wonderful daughters. I had nothing 10 years ago. Yes, I had my mum, dad, sister & nephew but I lived alone in a grotty flat. I was so so lonely and very miserable.
The “noughties” saw me have my children and get married. That makes the decade pretty momentous! It is the decade in which I grew into the person I am now. There’s lots I am glad to leave behind, glad to draw a line under. In 2005 I had what was teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown. It scares me to think how poorly I was back then. I am very glad that I am not in that dark place anymore. In 2006 I had a miscarriage. That will always be in my mind but I am dealing with it better now. I wouldn’t have Katie if I’d not suffered that miscarriage… I fell pregnant with her 8 weeks afterwards. Things happen for a reason. It’s all part of God’s plan. I believe that. It’s not always easy but time is a good healer.
So yeah, the last decade had great things and sad things. Inevitable I guess. Today I find myself really thinking about the past. I feel a bit weepy, people have come and gone, friends & family loved and lost.
What will the next 10 years hold… who knows?! Whatever happens it will be for a reason.
The hymn “Lord for the years” is one of my favourites. The words speak to me and give me comfort in times of both great joy and sorrow. I’d like to just share the last verse. It seems very fitting to quote it today as I always think it is about leaving behind the bad feeling, the luggage if you like. Leave all that behind and carry on regardless.
Lord for ourselves; in living power remake us-
self on the cross, and Christ upon the throne,
past put behind us, for the future take us:
Lord of our lives, to live for Christ alone.
I wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2010. May all your dreams come true xxx
On Tuesday my baby girl turned 3. We had a really wonderful day! We gave her a Baby Annabell doll which has been a huge hit. Nanny & Grandad have got her a pram for her to go in for Christmas!
She was at playgroup in the morning and we sent in a birthday cake for her to share with her friends. She ran in with her chest puffed out so she could show off her new badges! After playgroup we had a lovely afternoon indoors playing with her new things. Bubble Buster from my mum and dad was another present which was a big success, aswell as the Bilibo from my Grandma. We are thinking of getting one for Robyn too as they both adore it!
After we collected Robs from school we took them for a suprise visit to Santa. Robyn was totally awestruck! Her accent changed straight away from the slightly more Midland accent she uses at home to the totally Northern accent that she saves for when she is with her friends! She asked Santa for swimming goggles. Every year she manages to ask for something she has hardly mentioned at home. I have been assured now that Santa will be able to bring goggles on Christmas morning lol… thanks Tesco! She also asked for “Purple stuff”. She has told me this lots of times luckily. Santa will be wrapping all her stocking presents in purple paper, hopefully this will suffice! Katie did not say a word to Santa but she did smile and seemed to enjoy the experience (even though the photograph suggests otherwise lol).
We rounded the day off with a visit to McDonalds and another birthday cake. An absolutely perfect birthday for a 3 year old!
Yet again I have copied this from an internet forum where I have lots of wonderful, supportive friends. I need to document the progress that is being made with Katie and it might be of interest to others.
Today was pretty horrendous 
It started with attempting to get her to playgroup this morning. She screamed as soon as we went out of the door and I had to carry her the whole way there kicking and screaming.
When we got there her keyworker had to peel her off my leg. I left to come home again in tears.
When I picked her up she did the same thing the whole way home. Got indoors and she threw juice all over my OU course notes, kicked me, spat at me, pinched me and threw anything she could get hold of.
I put her in her bedroom for 5mins to calm us both down as by this point I was in tears and totally losing my rag with her.
Janice, our portage worker, came round just as she was calming down and played some games with her before working with me to do a general assessment of her. It’s totally all over the place. On some sections of the forms she is quite advanced for her age, on others she is very immature. There was no one area of learning that is “conclusive” on what needs working on.
Janice said she thinks I have the “patience of a saint”. She said it is clear for her to see I am struggling but she doesnt know what to say to help. She said anything she would normally suggest as a strategy to parents I am already doing.
I told her my worries that people think I’m being melodramatic and attention seeking as they dont see this side to her and she said she totally understands why I feel like that. She reassured me that although to some people I might come across as a “Needy parent” I certainly am not needy for no reason. She said “You are a parent in need of support not because you do things wrong, but because Katie is a very very demanding and difficult child”.
Janice is going into playgroup next Tuesday to speak to the staff and observe her there. At parents evening tonight I had it confirmed that she is good as gold there. Playgroup are really great. Her keyworker loves her to bits (which is a relief, I do worry that people dont like Katie).
If Janice feels that she is fine at playgroup then she will just concentrate on giving support at home. She doesnt quite know what support that will be yet but she is speaking to her manager (the person who came and did the initial home visit) and ensuring that we are not left on our own.
In the mean time I have asked playgroup if there are any more sessions that Katie could do. I want to increase her to 4 full days. I’m feeling a tremendous amount of guilt with this but at the end of the day if she is happy there and not at home then I need to go with it for my sanitys sake!
When Anthony got home from work I escaped to my mum and dads house for 3 hours! I was at the end of my tether with Katie. He fed the girls, tidied up, cooked mine and Anthonys dinner (a yummy beef stroganoff) and then put Katie to bed.
I love that man 
Well done if you have got to the end of this!
I’ve copied this post from an internet forum where I have many good friends. It basically saves me typing it all out again!
Well the speech therapist & preschool support specialist arrived at 9.30am and were here until 12.40pm! I am exhausted now but Katie is at playgroup for the afternoon and I have a chance to recharge.
In a nutshell… autistic tendancies are not really a concern. She could see where I am coming from and she understands my concerns but she said the behaviour doesnt quite tick all the boxes.
Katie seems to have confused them though. This morning they witnessed perfect behaviour from her aswell as violent and awful behaviour. They kept telling me I’m doing a great job as a parent. The speech therapist said “her good behaviour is down to you… when she is like this she is a credit to you”. They were very impressed with her please and thankyous even when she was being aggressive (!).
They said that she is a very very clever girl. She counted upto 8 while they were here and played some quite complex imaginary games with the speech therapist. They were intrigued to see how she manipulates people to get what she wants. My mental health was addressed in a lovely, sensitive way. It seems some of how Katie behaves is in reaction to me. She knows what buttons to press. She knows how to get a reaction from me and because I struggle to cope with her she behaves better for her daddy.
We looked right back to when she was born, when I was pregnant and before that even. My mini breakdown and the fact that I was on my own with Robyn etc was all spoken about and recorded. It has woken me up a bit and made me realise I need to see a doctor again. I’ve got an appointment on Monday anyway to discuss my PCOS so will talk about mental health issues then.
Katie will be assessed by the speech therapist one more time at playgroup and then she should be discharged. Her speech is now still slightly delayed but there is no cause for concern anymore if she carries on improving at the rate that she is. We are being referred to homestart for some practical help so that I have someone to help me take her out to places. Its more for my confidence than anything else.
Portage services are going to get in touch (although probably not til after Christmas as they are really stretched) and assess her in playgroup and at home. ADHD was mentioned and although she said it takes a long time to get diagnosed, her behaviour (particularly the violent behaviour) and attention skills seem significant enough to raise a concern.
So that’s us. The wider picture is being looked at and that only has to be good for both me and Katie. It seems the problem lies with both of us and we’ll hopefully get the help we need. I’m off to have a big cry now before collecting the girls. This morning has been a huge revelation to me that her behaviour might actually be down to me. They were so lovely… really affirming and not condescending at all. But it all kept coming back that I need to get some help for my mental health and then I’ll have a better coping strategy. That is hard to hear
I have calmed down now. Katie is asleep and will hopefully awake in a better mood.
I love my children so much but they are so so different. I sometimes struggle with their differences. Robyn has always been the sensible one and I wish Katie was more like her. On the other hand Katie has so much more confidence and sometimes I wish Robyn could be more confident.
If they were the same I guess it would be a boring life. I love both my children. I love them for who they are but everyone needs a rant sometimes, right?!
This morning I told Robyn she could bring down her playmobil box from her bedroom. It’s not something I allow her to bring downstairs very often because of all the tiny pieces. I trust Robyn to look after it in her bedroom but Katie having a free reign with it spells disaster!
The girls have just spent over an hour putting people in the campervan & driving them around, also putting poorly people in the ambulance and taking them to hospital. Both of these things are very topical in our house at the moment as my parents are currently touring France in their campervan and on Saturday we had the unfortunate experience of an ambulance trip to hospital with Katie.
Katie had been having some trouble breathing on Friday night and so I took her to the emergency doctor on Saturday who in turn sent us to the hospital. I had no transport since Anthony had gone away to a wedding so we were forced to go by ambulance. When we got there we were put into an isolation room and the doctors and nurses who came into us all had to be masked and gowned because of the Swine Flu precautions.
A doctor and then a registrar listened to Katies chest and said there’s nothing untoward there. The breathing trouble was due to congestion in her throat as her tonsils were a bit swollen.
Diagnosis: Suspected swine flu. We were sent away with some Tamiflu and ordered to stay indoors for 5 days. Thank goodness for toys that don’t come out very often, when they do come out its like a brand new toy which is guaranteed to keep them amused for a while!
We are currently struggling to come to terms with the fact that Robyns Granny is dying.
Granny Mary is Robyns biological fathers mum. She is the matriarch of their whole extended family. She holds things together and people go to her for help when they are stuck knowing that Mary will do whatever she can to help and make things better. When Robyn goes away to “stay with her dad” the reality is that she stays with Granny. Granny does all the looking after while her Dad doesnt do a fat lot. He takes her to the park, to McDonalds but doesnt do any of the night times or the day to day care.
Robyn is the apple of Marys eye. She has 4 sons. None of them are married or even in a stable relationship. Robyn is the only girl in the family and she is the grandchild Mary thought she would never have. Robyn & Granny Mary are like two peas in a pod, best friends.
In the 6 years I have known Mary she has done so much for me. She was there when sometimes it felt as though nobody else was. I feel as though I’m about to lose a huge part of my life.
I have just had to email over a letter for someone to read to Mary telling her all the things I should have said a long time ago. She is a wonderful woman and will be sadly missed by so many. With the email I sent the following pictures. I hope she can find some comfort in them.
Katie – July ’09
Robyn at Morecambe – June ’09
Robyn at Butlins – May ’09
Robyn & Katie sharing a moment – May ’09
Don’t you just love the things that kids come out with?!
Over the years our family has gained lots of expressions thanks to various children who have given us little “Gems”! A few examples…
There are many more which I will try and blog in the future… but I wanted to note down Robyns latest little gem:
At church this morning we sang “Make me a channel of your peace”. My mum & dad have a beautiful little statue of St Francis in their garden so my mum whispered to Robyn “Robs… you know that statue in my garden? Well that’s St Francis and he wrote this hymn”. Robyn looked at Nanny, then looked at the typed words in the hymn book, then back at Nanny with a confused expression and replied
“Oh!! He’s got good writing!”
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